


Grabbing a Drink

by BigGlobbyTears



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Basically i learned about Emperor Time and I had to get my feelings out, Black Whale, Drinking, M/M, Manga Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-14
Updated: 2019-04-14
Packaged: 2020-01-13 00:44:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18458000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BigGlobbyTears/pseuds/BigGlobbyTears
Summary: Kurapika needs a place to lie low, and he can always rely on Leorio. He wants to figure out a way to entertain himself for a few hours, but something about Leorio makes Kurapika always think about how different his life may have been. (Spoilers for the manga)





	Grabbing a Drink

**Author's Note:**

> Okay SO! Idk why I even wrote this, because literally every HxH friend I have has not read the manga T_T but ever since I learned abt what Emperor Time is, I’ve been stuck in Kurapika Loving Hours for a few weeks now, so I had to get this off my chest. Also my last fic was SO sappy I wanted to try out a different Leopika dynamic that’s maybe not as... optimistic.  
> So, to the manga readers that also need a channel for Kurapika pain: -Shania Twain voice- lets go girls
> 
> Also if you have not read the manga, but are deciding to read this anyway? I’m so honored you guys are the only motherfuckwrs in this city who can handle me.

Kurapika didn’t know why he took it.

The room was empty except for him. Well, empty when you didn’t count the bodies. It was easier to think of corpses as things, rather than things-once-alive.

The room itself was opulent, like so many others on level 1 of the Black Whale, dripping in useless extra items and small showings of luxury that couldn’t do anything to help the owner now. It wasn’t like the pearl-lined curtains or the golden cuckoo clock was going to stop the flow of blood from his temples to the floor.

Like many of these rooms, there was a small mantel with various bottles of liquor. The most obviously expensive of them all was an unopened bottle of scotch, sitting on a velvet throne and forgoing a label, daring the onlookers to judge on assumption alone that this must be a fine delicacy indeed. Kurapika knew he needed to leave. He needed to to get out of this room as quickly as possible, and ideally lay low somewhere far away, if only for a few hours. He needed something to do in those few hours.

He took the bottle.

He was walking down to the east side of the ship, to the elevators. Not to the elevators that only moved locally, within level 1, but the huge, industrial-sized one that was the quickest way off their ship and into the Black Whale proper. It was like his hands were moving on their own, slipping the thin bottle into his deep inner coat pocket, then automatically pulling his phone out. He thought it was funny, usually he would wait for Leorio to call him, reaching out first would be a novel change. He probably should call Leorio more often. He should probably at least answer.

He preferred texting over calling, so he pulled up their last thread, purposefully not looking at the last messages received and never replied to.

**Hey, are you available?**

It took less time that he expected to see Leorio typing.

**Like, to see each other? Or to come up to a meeting?**

**No, I’m coming down to the third level. I could use a place to spend a few hours.**

A pause. Typing, and then nothing. Then typing again.

**Me and a few of my buddies are grabbing drinks right now. Come meet us at the pub in the H-14 quadrant, right next to the hospital. Don’t worry, they are all just other doctors and nurses, no zodiacs haha**

Kurapika hadn’t been worried about that, because honestly the prospect of spending time with any strangers right now wasn’t appealing. Maybe he should just let Leorio have his fun night out with his coworkers. He could just find a dark passageway, maybe an empty storage room, and wait there.

**I’ll come. Be there soon.**

He flipped his phone shut as he pressed the button to call the thunderous elevator towards him. He could hear it chugging and screeching, as if it made every movement dreading the potential weight it would have to carry. But there was no cargo, no crowds of people. Just him and one slim bottle of expensive swill, not heavy at all. Barely even worth the energy it was expending by coming up to meet him.

He was surprised that there was no one checking him or his ID for going down into the Whale. He had a sneaking suspicion that he could go as deep down as he wanted to uninterrupted, but when he came back up he would be subject to countless security guards and kiosks and interrogations making sure he belonged on the first level. The doors were rumbling closed when, at the last second, someone came in, rushing to catch it.

Kurapika tensed, just out of habit.

It was a small, portly man, one of the clerks, or maybe a concierge. He was holding his bag at an awkward angle as he tried to finish closing it, a task he obviously had not been able to finish before he saw the elevator come. Once he settled himself, it was just him and Kurapika in the immense rumbling box, slowly descending into the boat. Kurapika could hear the other man open his mouth several times, take breaths, and then close it. Obviously the awkwardness was pushing at him, and he wanted to start polite conversation with Kurapika. He hoped he wouldn’t, he wanted to just stare at the wall and turn his brain off, let his body take over mechanically. He had not yet figured out how to autopilot small talk, which was maybe a side-effect of learning this language when he was twelve. Maybe he would be able to do it if they were speaking Kurtish.

Finally, the clerk took a stab at it.

“Heading down huh? For work or for pleasure?”

Kurapika stiffly kept looking forward, but didn’t feel like it was worth it to be rude.

“I’m meeting an old friend for a drink.”

“Ah, for pleasure then. It’s nice to stop working for a bit.”

 _I never stop working_ Kurapika thought, but didn’t say. He wouldn’t have come down if the last fight had been a little less messy, or if he hadn’t weakened himself quite so much. If anything, him meeting with Leorio was also work.

The clerk paused a beat, then kept going.

“I’m going down for my niece’s birthday. She’s all the way down on the fourth level. I don’t mind though, it’s nice to see other parts of the Whale.”

Kurapika nodded, not knowing what to say. Should he say something? It would be cruel not to.

“I don’t find myself going down too often. I have to admit I do not know many parts of the ship.”

“Do you know what’s my favorite part about getting lower on the ship?”

Kurapika didn’t, and he didn’t feel like guessing. The clerk continued.

“Feeling the rocking of the water. You start remembering where we are, and how we’re floating.” He looked down at his feet, dreamily. “The Black Whale is enormous, and it feels like it’s own world, but it’s nice to feel the small rocking of the water, and remember that we are on the sea. The sea will always be larger.”

Kurapika couldn’t feel anything resembling rocking beneath his feet, just the slow clatter of their descent. He didn’t answer, and they didn’t speak until he got off at the third floor. Still, the clerk bid him farewell. He raised a hand in acknowledgment, not looking back.

It took him a short while to find the proper bar, as it seemed that every block had its own. It was technically evening (not that it mattered inside the dim hull) and everywhere there was a shabby lit structure with tables and chairs clustered around it, people spilling out the sides, everyone living loudly. It was easy for Kurapika, in his dark suit and slim figure, to walk along the sides of crowds, slipping around lantern lights and out of view just by force of habit.

When he got into the pub, he hesitated for a moment before ducking in. This was probably the oddest thing he had done in months. He couldn’t remember the last time he had gone to a bar. He couldn’t remember the last time he had met up with a friend. Was it Leorio last time as well? It would make sense. Leorio always felt like a presence far too normal for him. He felt too rooted in reality, too disparate from the spinning puzzle of every other part of Kurapika’s life.

He stepped inside the pub.

There was Leorio, surrounded by people, mostly men, laughing and talking with a familiarity work and drinks could give people. He was still so tall. It was odd not to see him in his suit, but rather in his hospital uniform, arms bare and hands chapped from endless washings. His hair was flattened from where his cap had been tied down over it, almost giving him a slicked back look. He wasn’t even wearing his sunglasses… it made him look younger, somehow. Closer to the people around him.

Kurapika stood on the edge of the circle until Leorio’s eyes caught him, and widened.

“Oh! Kurapika!”

It was like Leorio didn’t know quite how exuberantly to yell, especially when greeting the small solemn creature Kurapika kept finding when he would look into the mirror lately. He strode over anyway and gave him a bracing hug, something closer to full-body pat than an actual embrace, which Kurapika was thankful for. Leorio took a breath, looking down at him, and Kurapika thought back to the clerk, to someone trying to find words that would bridge the awkwardness he carried around him.

“You! You made it! I wasn’t sure if you were going to come.”

“Well, I said I would, so I did.”

“I guess so! Sorry for the impromptu meeting spot, Jasper just got a promotion to lab manager, so we’re having a bit of a celebration. But I wanted to see you.”

“I’m glad… it’s always great to see you too.”

They stood there in silence just long enough to be considered awkward. This was then proven by Leorio reaching to the next subject blindly.

“Oh! You should meet the guys!”

Kurapika had no desire to meet any of the other hooting drinkers at the bar, but he followed because it was easier than turning back around and heading back up the elevator. Or maybe it wasn’t. Leorio seemed glad to see him, but only just, and that could go away in an instant. Kurapika hoped he wouldn’t ask him about how his work was going. He hoped he wouldn’t ask about his powers.

When they got there Leorio announced Kurapika to the group, calling him “one of my exam buddies.” Kurapika nodded curtly to each person, not remembering their names as soon as Leorio said them. One of them, probably the one they were celebrating because he was the most inebriated, eyed Kurapika.

“How did you guys become buddies during the hunter exam? I thought you all had to fight each other?”

Leorio rubbed his head, ruffling his hair. “Well, you’d think, but being with Kurapika honestly was one of the best things that could have happened to me. Him and our other buddies, well, they’re basically the reason I could go to medical school. They really carried me.”

One of the other hospital folks piped up “Then you owe this man a drink!”

Leorio started, realizing his folly. “Of course! Kurapika, what do you want from the bar? It’s on me, also cause you came all the way down.”

Kurapika felt like his voice was a lot quieter than the bar around him, so he raised it a bit. He also felt him pitching his voice lower, feeling odd over the way his friend had said ‘this man’. “I’ll have whatever you’re drinking. And thanks.”

Leorio turned to push through the crowd around the bartender, trying to flag him down for another pint. The doctor who was probably drunkest, the one who had spoken earlier, aimed another question at Kurapika.

“I feel like I know you… where do I know you from?”

“Uhm…” Kurapika didn’t know this man, and he didn’t want to guess if he was a hunter, or had access to the hunter databases.

“Oh! You’re part of the zodiac! With Leorio, huh?”

“Oh, yes, I guess so.”

Someone else laughed at this, and Kurapika wasn’t sure what was funny. Another voice, from somewhere: “Wait, which one are you?”

“Which one?”

“Yeah, like which animal?”

“I’m the Rat-“

“I knew it!”

Someone else also chimed in “You’re the rat, Leorio’s the pig, we’re halfway to a farm!”

Again, everyone laughed. The second speaker blearily asked Kurapika “So, if you are the rat, why don't you have those big ole ears?”

“Well, the zodiacs don’t have to look like their animals, most do it by choice-“

“Ah man I’m just pulling your chain! But a friend of Leorio is a friend of ours. He said you came down, from which level? The first?”

“Yeah.”

The man whistled. “Ooh, fancy. What’d you get up to up there?”

“Oh, you know… this and that.”

Seemingly bored with the new member already, the conversation then moved away from him, resuming their earlier debate that the group seemed to be split on. Kurapika felt himself turn and go walk briskly back to Leorio. This was definitely not what he needed. He bumped into him carrying a full glass of beer in one hand, and his half empty one in the other.

“Oh, Kurapika, what’s up? Did you need something?”

“I think I should probably go. I’m kind of tired, and I think your friends are… they’re nice, but they seem busy.”

Leorio opened his mouth, bit back something he was going to say, then handed Kurapika the glass.

“You’re right, I was thinking you seemed a bit tired for all this. But let me at least take you to my office? It’s not the biggest, but it has a couch. You can rest there if you want.”

“But your friends…”

“Eh, my friends are fine. Those assholes will keep themselves entertained with or without me, plus I’ll see them all tomorrow morning.”

Kurapika had a feeling that the two of them saw Leorio’s friends with different definitions of assholes. He motioned to the beer. “I can pay for this.”

“No, I got it for you. Plus, we can carry it with us, I’ll return the glass tomorrow.” He drained his drink in a few more swallows, then tugged at Kurapika’s sleeve so that he would follow him. He did.

They walked out into the only slightly less crowded hallway, weaving their way against the grain of movement towards the hospital at the end of the lane. Kurapika had been here once to meet with Cheadle, and could slightly recognize the main entryway. He had never been to the clinical section, which Leorio was leading him to now, giving a casual tour as they walked. Leorio pointed out where he got his coffee, the step he always tripped over, his favorite place to walk when he needed to think and stretch his legs. Kurapika could hear the parts of the hospital still bustling around them, the night shift on full staff, but Leorio was leading them more into the emptier parts of the building where the offices and accounting departments resided.

Kurapika looked around him, and thought about how familiar this was to Leorio. It was so strange that in Leorio’s life he traveled to the same place every day, working in the same building, with the same people. That’s probably what his life was at school as well. Kurapika would barely know. During their brief flashes of communication he was horrible about asking Leorio about his life, even though he was always interested in knowing. He just couldn’t seem to find an easy way to work it in the conversation before he hung up.

Finally they reached an office with a small nameplate with the scrawled name ‘Dr. Paladiknight’. Leorio opened up the door first, sweeping in to gather up the coats and clipboards that were covering his couch. The room was small, and definitely full, mostly with stacks of papers, folders, and file cabinets. All there really seemed room for was the desk, the couch, and their two bodies. Kurapika sat on the saggy yet comfortable cushions, and started taking long drinks from the glass. Leorio sat on the armrest, and put a cigarette into his mouth.

“You mind?”

Kurapika shook his head. Leorio usually smoked when it was just them together. He would purposefully try to keep it secret from Gon and Killua, always applying extra cologne afterward. But when it was just Kurapika, the cigarette would appear in his mouth right away. Kurapika never bothered to ask Leorio why a doctor smoked. Most doctors also didn’t brawl as much as Leorio, or have quite such an intimate relationship with the politics of the Hunters Association. If Leorio wanted to smoke, he could, and personally, Kurapika liked the smell. It smelled comforting. Or maybe he just felt comforted whenever it was just him and Leorio. Maybe it was a chicken and egg sort of deal.

“So, what’s up?”

Leorio was looking at Kurapika through the thin trail of smoke, his eyebrows slightly raised. Kurapika was pulled out of his thoughts.

“What, with me?”

“I mean, why did you have to slough all the way down here? Regardless of my charm, I have a pretty realistic view of our friendship- I know you didn’t come down just because you missed me.”

Kurapika sucked his breath in, thinking of how much he should lie. Did he even have to?

“I had a job that went a little sideways. No big deal, but I have to lay low.”

Leorio opened his mouth, then closed it, face hardening, trying to keep himself from giving Kurapika worry that he didn’t want. “Sideways… how?”

Kurapika waved his hand dismissively, not wanting to get into it.

“Don’t worry about it. Plus-“ in a weak attempt to change the subject, Kurapika slipped the bottle out from his suit jacket. “I managed to get this.”

It worked. Leorio’s eyes widened, and he reached out, inspecting the bottle like an archeologist.

“Holy shit! How’d you get your hands on this?”

Kurapika shrugged, not wanting to say that he had stolen it from a guy he killed. Leorio knew what his job was, but it was probably not a good time to test how comfortable he was with it. “It was a gift.”

Leorio had found a seal at the base of the bottle, pressed into the glass, and tapped it with his finger.

“See that? It’s the sigil of the Genhussey Family. They’ve been making the best scotch in the world for over 400 years… they say that even the empty bottle of one of these can catch a pretty price on the market.”

“Good, because I’m planning on only having an empty bottle at the end of this.”

Leorio looked at him, appalled. “But, we can't drink it now!”

“Why not?” Kurapika reached across Leorio, getting close to him to take the bottle in one hand, and to grab the letter opener from his desk with the other. “I’m drinking it now. Join me if you want.”

Leorio stood up, looking flustered. “Let me see if I have any glasses… we’ll have to drink it neat, unless you want me to run and try to find ice in the supply closet.”

“No need.” said Kurapika, starting to carve off the wax seal around the top. He didn’t want Leorio to leave, rooms always felt warmer when he was in them.

He ended up pouring them two generous drinks in a few old jars Leorio had, the liquid coming out thin and dark. The smell cut through to Kurapika’s nose like a knife.

Leorio brought his to his face, breathing in the smell, trying to savor it.

“My grandpa taught me how to taste scotch, did I ever tell you?”

As Leorio softly talked about aromas and the drips and the different flavor profiles, Kurapika felt himself wanting to say that no, he had never learned any of these terms, he barely drank alcohol until about a year ago. Before that the only drink he had had was the fermented wine that the elders brewed every new year, the rare taste of time and earth and life. He remembered his mother gently holding the cup up to his lips, telling him to take just one sip, he might not like it. Kurapika’s face had screwed up at the strange, loud taste, and he asked how anyone could drink cups and cups of it like the adults did. His mother had laughed, saying that if you drink a little every year, you eventually get used to it, and by the time Kurapika was her age he will have learned to love the taste.

He didn’t say this of course. The words stayed, like so many other things, bubbling near the top of the emotional stew that sloshed around his chest, always on the verge of spilling over.

He drank the scotch in as little gulps as possible, trying not to let the harsh watery liquid burn his mouth. As soon as it hit his stomach, it bloomed into an unsteady seed of heat, and he could feel the beginnings of a thought. This drink was warm, but he wanted to be warmer. Like an onion, he felt like he was peeling back layers to find what he really wanted. Maybe there was something else he and Leorio could do to pass the time. The devious thought wormed it’s way into his head before he could help it.

“Whoops,” he tapped his jar against the back of Leorio’s hand. “Looks like I need a refill.”

Leorio looked at him exasperatedly. He poured him another full cup, and then Kurapika, finding an unexpected playfulness slipping into his voice, said “Okay then. Show me how to drink it.” He leaned in close, letting his eyes linger on Leorio’s lips for just a moment. He was trying something he had never done before, but that was okay; Kurapika had always been a fast learner.

Leorio laughed a bit nervously, then took a swig, slowly moving it around his mouth, looking downward as Kurapika didn’t let his gaze drop. He then silently took another swig, letting the alcohol fill his mouth, stinging every nerve as it washed over his tongue. At some point Leorio had slid down onto the couch next to him, and Kurapika let his knee drift into Leorio’s, pushing them gently together. After he swallowed, he licked his lips, just a bit. He felt Leorio giving him a sidelong glance. He racked his brain to find a way to touch him. He leaned forward again, moving his body into Leorio’s personal space.

“I don’t think I like scotch, Leorio.”

“Oh…”

He brought the jar up to Leorio’s chest, pushing it against the soft button up, imagining he could feel Leorio’s heart beating if he focused enough.

“Could I have a refill?”

Leorio’s cheeks were definitely red now, but he didn’t move. Instead he chuckled again, voice high and breathy, and grasped the jar as well. Kurapika felt their fingers brush together with a swell of satisfaction, like a lockpick feeling one of the pins click into place.

“Maybe you should slow down, just a bit.”

Kurapika now let his eyes meet Leorio, his own impatience wanting to break through any shyness. As his stomach grew warmer, he knew that this was what he wanted. What better distraction could have presented itself? This was fun, and harmless.

And he liked Leorio. He liked his voice, the shape of his face, and whenever their hands brushed against each other he wanted then to brush again. He wanted someone to touch him. Even if Leorio didn’t want to, he could leave, find someone else. There were 100,000 people on this ship, one of them should want him.

Their eyes locked, and Kurapika’s hand found the edge of Leorio’s, gently teasing his fingers with his. His face was feeling hot as well. Leorio seemed frozen, watching Kurapika drift closer to him, and couldn’t help unconsciously biting his own bottom lip. Kurapika wanted to bite it for him.

“Kurapika… what are you doing…”

Kurapika stopped, their mouths barely inches away from each other. His other hand had found the top of Leorio’s knee.

“What do you want me to be doing…?”

it sounded a bit stupid, but it did the trick. Like a current, Leorio seemed to wake up, and moved to meet Kurapika’s mouth, hands wrapping around the sides of his face, pushing their lips together. It was firm and strong, and Kurapika felt himself open up like a flower. He pushed back against the gusto, wrapping his arms against Leorio’s torso. The warmth of his mouth was like a furnace, and hungrily he realized how much he wanted it, he wanted the warmth, that life that Leorio carried so much of.

He wasn’t the only one kissing with a hunger. Fingers laced in his hair, and the force behind Leorio’s kiss made their teeth clack together. Kurapika leaned back, their bodies slowly becoming more horizontal. There was something tinged in Leorio’s kiss, and Kurapika couldn’t quite place it. It was almost like he could taste it, a vicious bolt of energy that was coming from Leorio. The unmistakable feeling of anticipation, desperation, and the rising to meet a fervent wish.

Kurapika felt his head spin, and not just from the kiss— he could feel it.

The deep swell of the boat, the imperceptible rocking of the gargantuan hull against billions of gallons of ocean, never resting, never stopping, a ceaseless push that his mind had ignored for so long.

Leorio was in love with him.

For how long? Did he know? He must. There was an awareness in how hard Leorio was kissing him. He was giving himself all to Kurapika, letting him suck the warmth out of his body. Kurapika was a vampire and Leorio was offering up his neck, telling him to drink, to take all of him.

Kurapika felt his head fall to rest on the armrest, his back still arched to push his chest into Leorio’s. His hands were unconsciously scrabbling at Leorio’s shoulders, clutching, pulling, wanting to rip through the thick cloth of his uniform. Leorio’s breaths were coming ragged, Kurapika could feel them on his lips, and his face was screwed up, looking almost pained. Kurapika could feel guilt leaking in, like internal bleeding. Leorio was in love with him, and he thought that Kurapika felt the same.

He didn’t know what to do. Pulling away seemed impossible, because his body didn’t want to stop, and the more-than-average amount of drink in his bloodstream was scrambling the connection of his thoughts to his actions.

Leorio moved his hands down, loosening Kurapika’s tie, at fumbling at the small buttons on his jacket. His mouth drifted down as well, planting kisses on Kurapika’s neck, pulling sharp gasps from him as he felt lips and tongue press against the sensitive skin there. He wanted him to keep going, but through the fog of his mind, he pushed his mouth to remember, in the midst of all this kissing, how to talk.

“I… Leorio there’s something you need to know..”

Leorio had his hand pushed into Kurapika’s unbuttoned shirt, hand pressing against his collarbone. Kurapika worked to control his body, because he knew Leorio, basically straddling him, could feel the swelling down there. Lord knows he could feel his. Leorio, still busy with planting a hickey on Kurapika’s upper chest, barely murmured his confirmation that he could hear Kurapika.

Saying the words feel like ripping a stake out of stone. He had to be honest, before things went to far.

“I can’t love you.”

Leorio’s hands stopped, and Kurapika felt something disintegrate in the air between them. He wanted to pluck the words out of the air and put them back into his mouth. He wanted to kiss Leorio again. Why couldn’t he let him keep kissing him?

Leorio pulled away, resting on his knees. Kurapika stared up up at the dinghy ceiling, trying to tame the great sadness that was clawing it’s way up his throat. How could he think straight with this incessant rocking underneath him?

“What’s that supposed to mean.”

It was barely a question, or at least not one that invited an answer. It wrapped around Kurapika like a rope, squeezing him tight. Leorio’s voice sounded hurt.

“I just mean… you know me. Leorio, I can’t-“

“But you wanted to kiss me. To hook up. You came down here Kurapika, you started this. What made you change your mind, _old buddy?_ If I know you so well? _”_ His voice had moved beyond hurt into a flinty growl. Kurapika felt himself start to panic, feeling the threads of the situation unravel in his grasp.

“It’s not like that, I just…” he forced himself to sit up, looking at Leorio’s knee on the couch next to him. “I wanted to kiss you. I want to like you I just… I’m barely human. I’m so close to being dead.”

He hadn’t planned to say that. He didn’t want to hear himself say that out loud, and he didn’t want Leorio to know. He couldn’t let Leorio know, it would make it so much more real. Leorio took in a sharp intake, and moved off of Kurapika, swinging his feet to the floor. Kurapika lunged forward, grasping hold of Leorio’s wrist before dropping it like a hot stone.

“No please! Don’t go I’m… I’m sorry! I don’t know what to say, I thought… I thought it would be worse if I let it keep going.” Tears were starting to blur his eyes. He couldn’t bring himself to look at Leorio’s face, to see the expression that was living there.

Leorio took a few deep breaths, but he didn’t move. He didn’t leave. He sat there, his whole body seeming to slowly decide what his heart should feel. Kurapika felt terrified to say anything else, and focused on trying to push the bubbling mess in his chest back down, to keep himself from telling Leorio the cold fact that he had been acknowledging and accepting for months, years.

Leorio turned to him.

“Why are you dying?”

It was so direct his heart nearly stopped. He opened his mouth a few times.

“I can’t tell you.” He began to say, but it died before it left his mouth. He felt a firm hand touch his jaw, moving his face up. He met Leorio’s gaze. He looked so sad, and so angry.

He had to give Leorio this. He couldn’t give Leorio his love, and he was worried that he wanted to. He couldn’t let it in, because it could stop him, it could make him stop pushing forward, stop killing, stop looking for revenge. His job wasn’t done.

He also couldn’t give Leorio something with such a short expiration date. Looking at his anguished expression, he could see the ways Leorio would grow old, the lines that would appear, the grey that would start to soak into his sideburns. All Kurapika had was a pair of red eyes and a hourglass that was leaking sand.

The first time he tried to tell Leorio his throat choked. He forced himself to look at Leorio’s eyes. To throw himself off of the cliff. When he spoke again his voice was clear.

“Every second is an hour.”

He flexed his right hand unconsciously. “Every second I use Emperor Time, that’s an hour… less. Of my life.”

He forced himself to look at the horrified expression that crashed over Leorio’s face. He had to make sure that this would convince him. He kept talking, saying the speech that he gave himself in his weaker moments.

“I’m not going to stop. This is what I was left alive for. The Kurta clan was destroyed, and I have to make sure that things are made even. I don’t matter in this, I’m just… a vessel.”

Leorio, to his credit, wasn’t crying. Kurapika had expected him to rage and scream, to call him an idiot, to storm out. But he knew that the next part was inevitable: Leorio was now going to convince him to stop using Emperor Time. Tell him that it wasn’t worth it. After all, what was the use of avenging the Kurta clan if he was killing the last surviving member? When Kurapika died, what would be left of them then? Leorio was going to try to fix the lines that had already been drawn when Kurapika first created his nen. Choices Kurapika had made long before he even knew Leorio. But still, Leorio was going to try to change his mind.

Convince me.

Please, Leorio, convince me.

But instead he was silent. He just looked at Kurapika, and gently rested his hand on his shoulder. It was a soft, sad movement, and Kurapika felt the weight of the world crashing down with it. He couldn’t help it, the sides of his cheeks already wet, he fell into Leorio’s chest, needing to hold him. Inside him, somewhere, was the life that Kurapika had thrown away, the will to grow old, and Kurapika wished he could dig it out, touch it, drink it.

Leorio sat there, still, softly holding his friend as he saw how far apart they were.

 


End file.
